Thursday, July 30, 2015

the waiting game

"So do you think Joe is going to be an only child? Oooo, try for a girl. Wouldn't that be great?"

"How old is Joe now? It's about time to start trying for another, huh?"

I nod with a sharp pain in my heart and a fake smile on my face.

More steps back for me this week. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in limbo, hanging on to my last pregnancy while wanting to move on to the next one. For anyone that's gone through miscarriage, I'm sure you can relate to that heavy lost feeling. I've lost my certainty, purpose and direction just as much as I've lost a baby that I loved so much. And as the months roll by, it's like I'm losing her more and more. I should be nearing my 3rd trimester now and getting closer to my due date, but instead I'm having a daily battle with myself on whether or not I'm ready to try again. It's certainly not an easy decision, and until I feel ready enough to take that leap of faith, I just wait. 

I've become a much more spiritual person than I was before, and much more aware of the signs that are all around me. I feel her with me a lot at different times throughout the day. Sometimes she sends me a reminder to stay strong, and other times she sends a sign that I'm just not ready to let go quite yet. Maybe the signs were always there before but I never stopped to appreciate them like I do now.

Pregnancies continue to be announced around me, and instead of just blocking them from my brain, I'm really trying to step back and evaluate how I'm feeling. Sadness? Jealousy? Anger? Happiness? Hope? Sometimes I feel just one emotion strongly, while other times it's all 5 at once. I won't lie, it's still difficult. I think it will be for awhile. But I can say that it is getting easier. So does that mean I'm ready to start trying again? I don't know, but I sure wish life had a handbook.

pregnancy loss and miscarriage

I was thinking about her while jogging and I think 
she wanted me to know she was thinking of me too.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

mood boarding: mid century farmhouse living room

After almost 2 years of living in our house, we finally have the front room finished! Well, almost finished. Technically the "before" picture is an empty room, but here's a picture from our house listing.

I always feel overwhelmed when I start decorating because I never know where to start. There's a lot to consider: the room layout, colors, style and of course keeping everything within budget. To help me plan things out (I know, typical type A), I create a "mood board" for the room.

For those of you that aren't in the advertising world, let me try to explain without sounding completely crazy. A mood board is basically a collection of images or words typically laid out in a collage. They're used in initial client presentations to help bring a new ad campaign to life. It sort of helps you visualize what a campaign idea could be without investing a ton of time thinking through every detail of a TV spot or print ad. Anyway, being the nerd that I am, I use them in my everyday life. :)

Here's what my living room mood board looked like. I like to pull in pictures from furniture stores, Pinterest, and even pictures of furniture I already have. It's just a good way to play around without making any financial investments. And, they're fun to look back at after the room is done!

mood board living room

And here's how the room turned out!

mid century farmhouse living room

I still need to hang something over the couch. I'm just waiting for that perfect flea market gem. Anyone have any ideas? 

floating shelves

James made these custom floating shelves and I think they turned out great! 

mid century farmhouse living room billy balls

farmhouse living room

farmhouse gold mirror

city to south entry waymid century entry way

city to south white chair

Couldn't resist <3