Thursday, October 8, 2015

six months, but who's counting

I asked James yesterday, "Can you believe it's been 6 months already?" His answer reflected my exact thoughts. "No! Well, yeah. Actually, no..."

I took a little time today to re-read my first post about my miscarriage. I haven't read it since a week or so after I posted it, and I will say, it was extremely difficult to get through. For one, the entire post was written in fragment sentences, like scattered word-vomit of every thought  that was happening in my brain. But even more difficult than that, it brings me right back to that moment, feeling everything I was feeling.

I've come a long way in just 6 months. I've connected with so many people feeling the same pain. Old friends that I maybe haven't talked to in years, even decades, others complete strangers that have become new friends. I'm grateful for everyone who has reached out. There is a secret group of us pregnancy loss survivors, all with different stories and experiences. We seem to be stronger when we join together.

Based on my baby's measurements, she was 6 weeks and 5 days when her heart stopped beating. I was in Destin, Florida, celebrating a friend's bachelorette party. I went back to Destin on a family trip this past month and I had no idea how strongly I would feel her presence. I'm so thankful we decided to get professional photos on the beach, with both of my babies in the picture. I will always hold this picture so close to my heart.


Photo by Bumblebee Photography.