THE MOTHER IN ME {GUEST POST}

Written by: Mindy Woerter

I remember the moment when my husband and I decided we were ready to have kids. We were finishing up a dinner we cooked together -- shrimp scampi or some kind of pasta, probably, since I always suggested that kind of thing -- and enjoying another glass of wine. We had been married a little over a year and settled into our own home. I had asked my husband a couple times before, “Do you think we’re ready?” and he’d answered pragmatically, as he generally does: Let’s wait until we buy a house. Let’s wait until we have more money saved.

RAINBOW PREGNANCY MATERNITY PICTURES

A few months ago Jessi, my friend and photographer, reached out to tell me she was going to shoot our maternity pictures - no ifs ands or buts about it. She said we deserved them and understood it would take time, but to let her know whenever I was ready.

POLITICS: GET INVOLVED

Yesterday I felt defeated, as I know many of you did. I think what shocked me the most about the results was learning that 53% of white women in America voted for Donald Trump (according to CNN exit polls). I just cannot wrap my head around that statistic. I guess I just don't understand what could be more important than having rights to your own body.

IT'S TIME

James and I had our 3rd trimester ultra sound early last week. At this point, I thought I had passed enough hurdles, felt enough hourly kicks, and was far enough along in this pregnancy to go into this ultra sound a little more relaxed and confident. But of course, that wasn't the case.

THE DEBATES AFTERMATH

It's been a week since the 3rd Presidential Debate...which means it's been a week since I first heard Donald Trump's words, "In the 9th month, you can take the baby and rip the baby out of the womb of the mother just prior to the birth of the baby."

IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE

About 3 weeks ago, I woke up and was barely able to walk. I had been experiencing some pelvic pain for about a week prior to that, but tried to brush it off as ordinary pregnancy aches and pains. Well, that particular morning was excruciating -- I couldn't take a step without tears rolling down my face. I called in sick at work and immediately called my doctor. After describing my symptoms over the phone (painful bone grinding/clicking when I walk, inability to get in and out of my car and a severe tearing pain between my legs) she immediately referred me to a physiotherapist who specializes in pelvic pain.

GHOSTBUSTERS FAMILY HALLOWEEN COSTUME

With Halloween just a month away, I thought I'd get into the holiday spirit and do a little #tbt to Joe's first costume. James and I have always been really into dressing up, so we were so excited to finally partake in family-themed costumes.

SUB PREGNANCY: FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT

After 2 losses, I've accepted the fact that I will never be a normal pregnant person again. I will never be naive and feel protected, I will never get my pregnancy innocence back and I will always carry my two angels in my heart.

KINDRED SPIRITS

I saw a little girl with her mom at the grocery store the other day. She was wearing a cute little flowered dress and had short blonde hair with a bow in it. She seemed content playing with a box of uncooked pasta, listening to the noodles shake inside.

MOURNING & DANCING

I recently did a 2 week bible study with one of my friends called "Mourning & Dancing" and the underlying message resonated with me deeply --

We can both grieve the wrongs of this world and celebrate the sweetness of this life.

BOY'S VINTAGE TRANSPORTATION BEDROOM

After months of dragging my feet, Joe's big boy bedroom is finally complete. The truth is, Joe's been ready to get out of his crib for quite awhile now. Me, on the other hand, not so much. 

WHY ARE REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS IMPORTANT TO ME? {GUEST POST}

Written by: Jessica C.

During this election cycle, we have seen a continuing onslaught of attacks on women’s reproductive rights.  This has infuriated me as a woman but also as someone who has recently relied on those reproductive rights.  The idea that those rights are being chipped away frightens me.  So, why are reproductive rights important to me?  Here is why – I am a mother who has had a second trimester abortion.

THE TRUTH ABOUT 2ND TRIMESTER ABORTIONS

There are a lot of misconceptions that I hear about abortion that aren't based on fact. At this point in my journey, I feel a sense of responsibility to set the record straight. I want to share some personal details about my own 2nd trimester abortion to help shed light on what really happens, even if it's difficult to talk about. I guess you could say I'm tired of listening to arguments based off of inaccurate information.

WANT TO SHARE A GUEST POST?

I've been so inspired by the women all around me sharing their innermost secrets about their struggles and challenges with pregnancy loss, abortion, infertility and adoption. Women in the media. Friends. Strangers. Other bloggers. I hate that all of these women have had to endure such hardship, but at the same time, I'm proud of them.

REFLECTING ON MY ABORTION: SHOULDA COULDA WOULDA

A few months ago I set out on a quest to find a new doctor. I wanted someone who was thorough, kind and compassionate. But more importantly, I wanted someone who, without a doubt, supports a woman's right to choose.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GRACE

This week has been really hard. The days have dragged on with heaviness, each a little more emotional than the next. I've begged time to stop so I wouldn't have to face this day without you. 

Your due date. 

PARENTING THROUGH PREGNANCY LOSS

It's hard to be a parent when you feel broken. It's hard to live for someone else when sometimes you can barely live for yourself. Parenting through grief is just plain hard. You want to be in the moment for your child, but sometimes it's practically impossible to juggle it all.

CARS BIRTHDAY PARTY

Well, it took 4 months, but I finally transferred the pictures from Joe's 2nd birthday onto my computer. (Mother of the year, I know.)

GAINING FAITH. LOSING RELIGION.

When you're raised by two teachers who are also athletic coaches, you learn at an early age that hard work = success. It's a common sense equation. Whenever I wanted something, I just worked harder to get it.

PREGNANCY INNOCENCE

A friend of mine just announced her pregnancy. It's her first baby. She's pretty early on, but she couldn't keep it a secret any longer--she was bursting at the seams to share her exciting news. I watched her entire face light up as she shared how she found out, her symptoms of morning sickness, weird cravings and their first ultra sound experience.

BEAR CREEK RETREAT

My sister and I spent last weekend at a yoga & meditation retreat in the middle-of-nowhere Hohenwald, Tennessee. There were no TVs, no phones, no computers, no clocks and no communication to the outside world allowed. I brought a book (which I barely opened) and a journal to document my experience.

ONE YEAR

Today marks one year since our pregnancy loss journey began. Today, I should have a 5 month old baby in my arms.

LIFE LESSONS FROM AN EAGLE

For weeks, I've been watching an eagle's nest on a live feed in Hanover, PA. If you've never watched any of these live cams, I would highly recommend it. There are different cameras for various nests, and it's all very Truman Show-esque with a 24 hour live feed and infrared cameras at night. My mom sent us the link to the Hanover nest about a month ago knowing James is into bird watching. (Yes, you read that correctly)

A REAL MAN

I received a very nice note from a woman who came across my story. At the end of her note, she wrote, "And kudos to your sweetie. Real men stand up with their women."

A NEW TITLE: ACTIVIST

I received a very beautiful letter from my Mom today, who is not only a raging liberal (which I say with love), but also a women's rights activist of her own time. In it she wrote, "Your titles are expanding...daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, wife, daughter-in-law, mother and now a new title, ACTIVIST."

IT DIDN'T HAPPEN FOR A REASON

Everything happens for a reason.

SHARING MY STORY: IS IT WORTH IT?

I'm starting to think I've completely lost my mind. Is any of this worth it? I think people forget that I said goodbye to my daughter only 8 short weeks ago. Which for me, feels more like 8 minutes ago.

ABORTION RIGHTS: WHO CHOOSES?

I have received an outpour of support for my letter to pro-life activists, so I first want to thank you all for reading and sharing my story. It's been extremely difficult reliving the loss of my daughter, but I firmly believe there needs to be a change. And for that reason, I will press on.

AN OPEN LETTER TO PRO-LIFE ACTIVISTS

Dear Pro-lifer,

I've quietly stood by listening to your opinions. I feel every painful assumption you make about me. You draw a line between right and wrong without hesitation, as if you know exactly what it feels like to be faced with a life-changing decision. The problem is, the picture you paint doesn't look anything like me.

YOU ARE A WARRIOR

Remind yourself to just keep breathing. 

Lay in bed and count your breaths.
-- in 3, out 3, in 3, out 3 --

Clear your mind. Focus on the positive. 

BE STRONG & COURAGEOUS

On January 5th 2016, James and I sat in a cold hospital room with both hands on my belly and said goodbye to our daughter, Grace. It was the most painful moment of my entire life. Sometimes it all feels like a horrible dream and I will wake up to find my belly full again. 

1 IN 900

I used to find comfort in numbers. That is, until I was "the 1." 

There are new DNA tests called non-invasive prenatal tests (NIPT) that can detect chromosome abnormalities through a simple blood test from the mother. They have been around for a few years but were mostly used for high-risk women over 35. Now, doctors seem to be offering them up to everyone. The benefit? Finding out your baby's gender as early as 12 weeks. 

PREGNANCY AFTER MISCARRIAGE

On January 5th, 2016, we said goodbye to another baby -- our 3rd child. It's been a complete nightmare these past few weeks.

I wrote this blog post on December 14th, 2015, the night before my world was turned completely upside down. I was waiting for my NIPT results (non-invasive prenatal test) to reveal the gender so I could include it in the blog post and share it with my personal Facebook announcement. I was not anticipating the results to be the beginning of the end of our daughter's precious life.