Written by: Jessica C.
During this election cycle, we have seen a continuing
onslaught of attacks on women’s reproductive rights. This has infuriated me as a woman but also as
someone who has recently relied on those reproductive rights. The idea that those rights are being chipped
away frightens me. So, why are
reproductive rights important to me?
Here is why – I am a mother who has had a second trimester abortion.
We were living in California. Our son was two, and we were ready to add to our family. I became pregnant after our first try, and we were very excited.
We’d passed all the chromosomal tests for my “advanced age”
and appeared to be in the clear. Once the first trimester was over, we
announced the news to our family – we were having another boy! I’d had some
spotting, but everything looked good on the ultrasound. To be safe, the doctor
told us to get another ultrasound at 16 weeks. The spotting had stopped by
then, and I expected another good ultrasound.
It was not. The ultrasound tech was a little quiet during
the exam. The doctor came in, but that’s common. I still expected the
all-clear. Instead she said, “I have serious concerns for this pregnancy." I started to cry, not quite understanding what I was
hearing.
The diagnosis was bilateral multicystic dysplastic kidneys.
That meant neither kidney had formed correctly—they were just balls of cysts.
As a result, my unborn son was not producing amniotic fluid. There was none. I
waited for the doctor to tell us the solution. There was none.
One cystic kidney can be managed, but two is very rare (1 in
10,000) and is fatal. Because there were no kidneys, he could not form amniotic
fluid and would not develop lungs. Our options were to end the pregnancy then,
wait and see if the pregnancy ended itself, or wait to see if the pregnancy
went to term and he was stillborn or lived for only a short time on dialysis
awaiting a kidney transfer that would almost certainly not be successful. That
day my husband and I decided to end the pregnancy.
We had a voluntary follow-up
ultrasound to be sure we were making the right choice for us and to see what
they were talking about. I am glad we did that. I’m also glad that was our choice.
His kidneys looked like clusters of grapes. Also, the doctor did not
see a bladder or a stomach and the deformed kidneys were so large that his
heart was displaced. If the pregnancy went full term, our son child would not
live and if he somehow did, it would be a short life in pain. I could not do
that to my son. This was our first and last parenting decision for this child.
Waiting over a week for the next available hospital slot for
my D&E was the most emotionally draining experience of my life. I continued
to be and feel pregnant. When my baby kicked I would feel happy, then I’d
remember that I would never meet him. When dealing with this emotional turmoil
a doctor said to me, “Feel lucky you live in a state that allows you to do
this.” And then it dawned on me: in other states, on top of the turmoil I was
feeling, I would be faced with many more obstacles that would make the
experience even harder or I would be outright denied the ability to make this
decision for my family. I could be forced to carry my unborn son to term, at risk to my health. I could potentially have to watch my son die a painful death, while trying to explain to my living son why his brother was dying. The burden
that would have inflicted on me and my family would have been unbearable. While I would never wish the experience of
terminating a wanted pregnancy on anyone, I am grateful to have lived in a
state that allowed my family to do so in a safe environment and with dignity.
At 18 weeks, we terminated the pregnancy and said goodbye to
our son.
That is why reproductive rights are important to me.