Tuesday, January 9, 2018


Last Friday marked the 2 year anniversary of my 2nd trimester abortion -- the day we said goodbye to our daughter, Grace. The day started with tears and ended with a family dance party. It was perfect.


I woke up Friday morning feeling sad. My whole morning felt off -- the kids were off, I was off, everything just felt uncomfortable. After our Nanny arrived, James and I took a few minutes to be together with Grace in our room. I took her out of her box, just as I did last year, and told her that she was in my heart, always. 

I listened to some good ol' Dave Matthews on my way to work. I like to channel my 15 year old self whenever I'm feeling down, and that morning "Grace is Gone" was the first song that played on my random Spotify shuffle. I know I always say this, but I don't believe in coincidences. 

At 11, I got a call from a company I had been interviewing with for the past few weeks. My final interview was the week prior and I had been told that they were going to make a decision the week of 1/8. Instead, they made their decision early and called to offer me the job.

I currently work in marketing for a fast food brand. I've been at this company for 3.5 years and looking for a new growth opportunity for awhile. I was just waiting for that perfect fit. During my time here, my personal life has been somewhat of a train wreck. I was pregnant 3 times and lost 2 of them. I spent almost 2 weeks out "sick" while I miscarried Sprout and another 6 weeks on a leave of absence after our abortion. This is the desk I anxiously hung Grace's maternity pictures and the same desk I had to return to broken-hearted. The history and memories at this company just amplifies my desire for a fresh start.  

I wanted to be very picky with my next career move. I guess you have to be when you're a full-time working mom with 3 other people's needs to consider. This job seemed to fulfill all of my needs and requirements, so I was beyond excited when they called with the offer. But even more-so, the timing of it coming through on the 2 year anniversary of our daughter's passing felt like a message straight from Grace. This was the last piece I needed in order to move forward.

I accepted the job and my new company gave me the start date of 1/29 -- 2 weeks notice for my current employer, then 1 week to spend with my kids before starting. Joe's 4th birthday is on the 21st, and Faye's 1st birthday is on the 23rd, so that means I now get to spend the whole day with both kiddos on their birthdays. 

I came home to James, Joe and Faye dancing to "All I Do Is Win" in our family room, which has become an infamous song in our house whenever something good happens. Everyone was laughing and smiling, and I couldn't help but smile and dance along. After the kids went to sleep, James and I opened a bottle of champagne we had leftover from our New Year's party and cheersed to our day. Grace's Day.


Last Friday I realized that timing is everything. There is a reason the other jobs I had interviewed for fell through. It was supposed to happen this way, on her day. January 5th now marks the day that I got a new badass job.

This journey is sometimes difficult and uncomfortable and doesn't always make sense. But then every once in awhile, when you least expect it, things just fall into place exactly how they should. To quote one of my all-time favorite song quotes: "Life is funny, but not haha funny."

Keep swimming.

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