Our baby's remembrance tree has turned a vibrant yellow and has officially started losing it's leaves this week. And as each one falls to the ground, I think my heart breaks a little more.
11.11.
My baby's due date.
Today I'm at work carrying on as if it is another regular Wednesday...sending emails, answering my phone, performing at the level I typically do. But the pain in my heart is probably the deepest I've felt in a long time.
All of the steps forward and back over the past 6 months have all led me to the same dead end. Today is a day I just have to get through. Nothing anyone can say or do will make it any easier, either. I am just going to surrender to all the "should bes" and "what could have beens."
Today is a regular day for everyone else, but not to me.
Today I carry her heart. I carry it in my heart.