Sunday, April 8, 2018
NASHVILLE MS WALK
On December 10th, 2015, my sister received a phone call that changed her life. She was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, a chronic disease that attacks the central nervous system. I remember leaving work to be with her. I remember sitting beside her in complete disbelief, trying to process the news. And I remember her saying to me, "it's crazy how one phone call can change your whole life."
Tuesday, January 9, 2018
TIMING IS EVERYTHING
Last Friday marked the 2 year anniversary of my 2nd trimester abortion -- the day we said goodbye to our daughter, Grace. The day started with tears and ended with a family dance party. It was perfect.
Tuesday, December 12, 2017
SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE
Today I came home to a letter from a collection agency for a balance we owe on our abortion. An abortion that happened 2 years ago next month.
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
THIS IS US -- FROM A PREGNANCY LOSS SURVIVOR
The show This Is Us has become my weekly therapy session. I usually get cozy in bed with my big box of Kleenex, ready for whatever they're going to throw at me next. And for whatever reason, it always feels so good to cry alongside the characters. From the very first episode with the doctor's monologue about life handing us sour lemons, to Kate's body image issues and her strained mother-daughter relationship, this show is so emotional for me because it hits on so many relatable aspects of my life. And tonight, well, it hit the hardest.
Monday, June 19, 2017
POST PARTUM BODY
Saturday, June 3, 2017
UNTITLED 66 PHOTOS
I was attempting to organize my millions of photos during my lunch hour on Friday and came across an untitled folder on my desktop. I opened it up and there they were...the maternity photos we took when I was pregnant with Grace. It was right there among my folders titled Faye's Maternity Pictures, Faye's Newborn Pictures and Joe's First Birthday.
Thursday, March 23, 2017
Sunday, February 12, 2017
PERSONAL REDEMPTION
Earlier this week I took Faye to her 2 week appointment. One of the first things checked during these appointments is the baby's weight, and if I remember correctly, the goal for the 2 week appointment is for your baby to be back up to birth weight. Faye was born 8lbs 11oz, and when we left the hospital 2 days later, she was down to 8lbs 3oz. I remember being panicked with Joe when he dropped in weight, but as a 2nd time mom, I expected it this go around.
Saturday, February 4, 2017
FAYE: HAVE FAITH, TRUST & BELIEVE
On January 23rd, my husband and I welcomed Faye Elizabeth into the world. She weighed 8 lbs 11 oz, measured 19 inches long and has a head full of black hair (which is shocking, because her blonde older brother was bald until he was almost 2 years old!) But more importantly, so far our sweet little girl is healthy. That still feels surreal to say.
Thursday, January 5, 2017
GRACE'S 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY
I couldn't sleep last night. I just laid awake replaying the car ride to the hospital over and over in my head. I opened my computer and attempted to write but I had nothing to say. Today, one year ago, was just so fucked up. There's no other way to put it.
Sunday, January 1, 2017
GRIEF
A few days ago we had a new member join our Ending a Wanted Pregnancy support group. She was one day post-surgery and asked the group, "I haven't cried yet. Is something wrong with me?" Her question hit so close to home.
Saturday, December 3, 2016
RAINBOW PREGNANCY MATERNITY PICTURES
A few months ago Jessi, my friend and photographer, reached out to tell me she was going to shoot our maternity pictures - no ifs ands or buts about it. She said we deserved them and understood it would take time, but to let her know whenever I was ready.
Friday, November 4, 2016
IT'S TIME
James and I had our 3rd trimester ultra sound early last week. At this point, I thought I had passed enough hurdles, felt enough hourly kicks, and was far enough along in this pregnancy to go into this ultra sound a little more relaxed and confident. But of course, that wasn't the case.
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
THE DEBATES AFTERMATH
It's been a week since the 3rd Presidential Debate...which means it's been a week since I first heard Donald Trump's words, "In the 9th month, you can take the baby and rip the baby out of the womb of the mother just prior to the birth of the baby."
Monday, October 10, 2016
IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE
About 3 weeks ago, I woke up and was barely able to walk. I had been experiencing some pelvic pain for about a week prior to that, but tried to brush it off as ordinary pregnancy aches and pains. Well, that particular morning was excruciating -- I couldn't take a step without tears rolling down my face. I called in sick at work and immediately called my doctor. After describing my symptoms over the phone (painful bone grinding/clicking when I walk, inability to get in and out of my car and a severe tearing pain between my legs) she immediately referred me to a physiotherapist who specializes in pelvic pain.
Saturday, September 10, 2016
SUB PREGNANCY: FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT
After 2 losses, I've accepted the fact that I will never be a normal pregnant person again. I will never be naive and feel protected, I will never get my pregnancy innocence back and I will always carry my two angels in my heart.
Friday, September 2, 2016
KINDRED SPIRITS
I saw a little girl with her mom at the grocery store the other day. She was wearing a cute little flowered dress and had short blonde hair with a bow in it. She seemed content playing with a box of uncooked pasta, listening to the noodles shake inside.
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
MOURNING & DANCING
I recently did a 2 week bible study with one of my friends called "Mourning & Dancing" and the underlying message resonated with me deeply --
We can both grieve the wrongs of this world and celebrate the sweetness of this life.
Monday, June 27, 2016
REFLECTING ON MY ABORTION: SHOULDA COULDA WOULDA
A few months ago I set out on a quest to find a new doctor. I wanted someone who was thorough, kind and compassionate. But more importantly, I wanted someone who, without a doubt, supports a woman's right to choose.
Saturday, June 4, 2016
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GRACE
This week has been really hard. The days have dragged on with heaviness, each a little more emotional than the next. I've begged time to stop so I wouldn't have to face this day without you.
Your due date.