Saturday, February 4, 2017


On January 23rd, my husband and I welcomed Faye Elizabeth into the world. She weighed 8 lbs 11 oz, measured 19 inches long and has a head full of black hair (which is shocking, because her blonde older brother was bald until he was almost 2 years old!) But more importantly, so far our sweet little girl is healthy. That still feels surreal to say.

The name Faye has always been at the top of our list. Back when we lived in Chicago, there was a local jewelry store called Fey's Jewelers. Whenever my husband and I walked past it, we always talked about the name Fey (we prefer the spelling "Faye") being a cute girl's name to remember for some day in the future. I thought the name was simple and sweet, but still had some strength behind it.

When we revisited our baby names list this pregnancy, I decided to look up the meanings of some of our top choices. I learned that the name Faye is French, and it means to have faith, to trust and to believe -- the 3 things I needed to do to survive this sub-pregnancy. I took it as a sign from our sweet angels, and we decided Faye was the perfect name for our double rainbow.

The days leading up to Faye's arrival were some of the most difficult days of this entire pregnancy. I was 8 days overdue and the wait really messed with me emotionally. The nursery was complete, the tags on her new clothes were cut and everything was washed and put away.... and I don't know, I just started to panic. I think I had too much time to think. I swear, from week 35-40 I was more excited than scared. But the second I hit 40 weeks and 1 day, for some reason, something in my brain switched and I convinced myself that something terrible was going to happen at delivery. I had nightmares about delivering a stillborn baby and had a few full-on meltdowns to James about all the  "what ifs" that could happen. So when my doctor suggested we induce on the 23rd due to lower fluid levels and her size (she was measuring 9 lbs 11 oz), I felt ready to put myself out of misery.

We arrived at the hospital at 4:30 am and one of the first things the nurse did was a review of my medical history. Included in that lovely review was of course my pregnancy history -- 1 living child, 1 miscarriage and 1 "loss." Even the nurse didn't want to call it what it really was. James squeezed my hand tight and we both looked at each other, and in that moment, I felt the presence of our sweet angels. They were there with us. I didn't need my medical history said out loud to remember that they led us to that delivery room, and they were going to lead us to Faye. I finally felt a sense of calmness rush over me, and I entered into the induction process feeling at peace.

Our sweet Faye was born at 2:24 pm after a seamless delivery. The second the doctor placed her in my arms, every ounce of pain and fear and sadness were sucked out of my heart and were instantly replaced with pure joy. I breathed in her sweet baby smell and exhaled from deepest part of my lungs.

She's here, and she's perfect.